written on 5/18/2016
A soft breeze blowing through the open window, light illuminating off of the lamp. Guinea pigs and hamsters scuffling about in their fluffy litter as I sit in front of a laptop, typing out a post to put on my blog...
And all I want to do is scream.
Come Springtime/Summertime my sort-of depression, I guess you could call it, tends to start going haywire. And right now, my mom is stressed/upset, which makes me stressed/upset, which makes my brother stressed/upset, which makes me sister angry, and it's just a mean cycle.
It happens not too often, but often enough that I want to hit my head against the wall. Honestly, I have tons of friends to talk too, but sometimes, I'm just scared I'll say something accidentally mean when I get in a rut. That's why I talk to you, blog.
The thing is, I feel like it's MY responsibility to keep the calm in the family, when I know I'm terrible at it, so I don't try, and then I feel even worse, and then I go to bed and cry. Seriously. I've done that more times than I can count.
Wow, this post is getting more personal than I intended.
And on top of that, I hate going to sleep, because I don't fall asleep until around midnight or later, and then I'm up a few times or so, just laying there in the dark, because I get nightmares. I don't know why I've been getting so many, but it's wrecking me.
Anyways, yeah. I mostly just needed to rant.
I love you all.