Thursday, May 19, 2016

stress, nightmares, and all that jazz

 written on 5/18/2016

Hey Stars,

Imagine this:

A soft breeze blowing through the open window, light illuminating off of the lamp. Guinea pigs and hamsters scuffling about in their fluffy litter as I sit in front of a laptop, typing out a post to put on my blog...

And all I want to do is scream.

Come Springtime/Summertime my sort-of depression, I guess you could call it, tends to start going haywire. And right now, my mom is stressed/upset, which makes me stressed/upset, which makes my brother stressed/upset, which makes me sister angry, and it's just a mean cycle.

It happens not too often, but often enough that I want to hit my head against the wall. Honestly, I have tons of friends to talk too, but sometimes, I'm just scared I'll say something accidentally mean when I get in a rut. That's why I talk to you, blog.

The thing is, I feel like it's MY responsibility to keep the calm in the family, when I know I'm terrible at it, so I don't try, and then I feel even worse, and then I go to bed and cry. Seriously. I've done that more times than I can count.

Wow, this post is getting more personal than I intended.

And on top of that, I hate going to sleep, because I don't fall asleep until around midnight or later, and then I'm up a few times or so, just laying there in the dark, because I get nightmares. I don't know why I've been getting so many, but it's wrecking me.

Anyways, yeah. I mostly just needed to rant.

I love you all.
Hannah Song

1 comment:

  1. well I'm glad you didn't say it happens all the time :) I'm sorry for the other night - getting a failing grade just irritates me but that is no excuse. You're like me, the first born, feeling like you need to make sure the peace is there and keep everyone together. Unfortunately, and I still have moments as you know, you can't, I can't - it shouldn't fall to you or me to keep the peace. I love you sweetie and all you do.